So the final day is fast approaching before Baby Edwards Number Three makes his appearance. The difference between him and the last two kids is as of this moment he does not have a name. The last two kids it seemed easy, very little back and forth or discussion and boom! We had a name. This time, not so much. Why is naming this little one so hard? My wife and I have fought tooth and nail trying for common ground in a name and it usually ends with something like, “I hate that name and it will never be.” It can be so frustrating at times. I pick a name and my wife makes a leap of logic to how that name could be turned into a tool of torture for kids in the future. Don’t get me wrong, I think that is important too, but I never go as far as her leaps of logic go ( Atticus = Fatticus). Me being me, my suggestions usually are in the realm of athlete references or off the wall stuff that I like. So instead of going on and on about the frustrations of naming a child, I will just give you some examples of the names we have been fighting over:
Orson – Orson is not a name I hate. I like that is has historical references (Orson Welles) I just did not want my child associated with a version of him from “F for Fake”…But Early Orson Welles? Not so bad.
Roland – Roland was another pick of mine. It was chosen for the connection to books that we both like (The Dark Tower series ) and I enjoyed all of the potential nicknames and shortenings you could do with it ( Rollie, Rolls, Roll) But truthfully the whole time I was thinking about how awesome Rollie was as a nickname ’cause of this guy
Silas – Silas was a choice from my wife and as far as she is concerned this is still in contention. My issue with Silas is kind of abstract. I don’t hate it–it’s not a bad name in and of itself. To me however just screams Bad Guy. Like if you were creating a super hero of some sort, Silas would make total sense as the evil villain. I can see the headlines: “Who will stop Silas and his evil reign!?!” Also, my father-in-law said it sounds like a kid from one of those polygamist or Amish compounds. So my wife let it go a bit….for now.
Satchel – Another one of my picks and one I was completely serious about. My wife however vetoed instantly and I was so confused. She said ” Vern. I will not name my son after a freaking purse.” That honestly never even crossed my mind. The whole time I was thinking Satchel Paige, the famous Negro League and Major League pitcher, who I might add was the first person from the Negro Leagues inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. The man played professional baseball for forty years. He was the man who started the big leagues into considering integration. He paved the way for Jackie Robinson. Joe DiMaggio said he was the best pitcher he ever faced…but no…he’s a freaking purse.
Lincoln – Lincoln was kind of a mutual name, so at the hint of that we had a glimmer of hope. How can you go wrong with it? One of the most popular presidents ever, dude mended the rift in the Union, had a rad beard ( kind of Silas- Amish-like) and he freed the slaves. It’s a rock solid name. How could is possibly fail??? By shortening it to Link…my wife, who is as anti-video game as they come, did not see the awesomeness of Link as I did. I loved the legend of Zelda as a child ( I still do). I saw it as perfect. She did not… and another one bites the dust.
Waylon – Waylon was a me pick again. I figured it works so well, having a baby already named Cash, its a match made in heaven right? My wife had several objections to Waylon. First, “Why would you want to name a baby after the sound that babies make?” (wailing). Touche’ I guess that is a valid point. Second argument was that having a Cash ( real name Cassius) and then having a Waylon sounds way too country for the people we are. Now we do live in rural Oregon but in no way do we identify as “country.” So again, valid point. I just think it sounds rad and I would like to say ” Stop your wailin’, Waylon.”
Zeppelin – Zeppelin was a late pick of mine. Again I was not kidding and the name would be original. My wife just flat out will not concede on that one. She gives me an absolute NO. Here are some reasons why it would be awesome. First he’d be named after one of the greatest, most-known rock bands the world has ever seen. Second, every rock station across this great country has a day of the week where that have a “Get the Led Out” morning where all morning it’s just Led Zeppelin songs. Third, (and this was a suggestion from my brother-in- law) You could have Led Zeppelin playing during the birth ( its a c-section this time so it will have to be a short version). But how rad is that? My wife thinks if you go that far, Immigrant Song would be a better fit. But still, no.
So there were a few examples as we get closer and closer. Baby Edwards needs a name….please help.
Now for some music I have been listening to…..